Usually Friday's are a good thing for this girl, it brings me one day closer to the weekend and the weekends bring me one day closer to my someone being in the same place with me. I have missed him so much lately. I love that man with all my heart, if he couldn't come home to me I'd have to find a way to get to him because I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again! So this Friday should have started like any other Friday, with happiness; but it didn't. First, I tried to sleep in but having two dogs that want breakfast and want to go outside or their gonna mess up my carpet. (which I really don't care about by the way I just don't want to have to clean it). I push myself out of bed and just feel even more grumpy than normal, it definately has sometime to do with not getting my good night last night. (Technology was not my friend, my phone just shut off without warning and wouldn't turn back on so by the time I was able to call back-I'm guessing he had already gone to bed.)
So I let the dogs out feed them breakfast and go through that routine. I then decide that I'm gonna go clean and strip the beds. This way I can finally have some clean sheets. Well in the process I discover I have major plumbing problems, I have no idea how to fix them and the two people that can aren't able to do it at the moment (one being Andy and the other being my dad-he's working a job in another town today). So not that I don't enjoying cleaning bathrooms or anything but now this ones going need major cleaning plus possibly fixing.
To add to my bad mood some idiot in CO decided to hurt a bunch of people for some reason. I know there are lots of people with lots of problems but, hurting others doesn't ever help you. If you want things to get better get real help from a counselor or someone with training. I know all of this seems insignificant but I as I was crying over the plumbing and reading peoples Facebook posts. I kept saying its not ok for me be upset about my day, but the thing is I was so wrong. I'm allowed to be upset, I'm allowed to cry and if I need to I'm allowed to talk to someone about my problems. While these problems are insignificant in the scheme of a normal daily life that persons problems aren't/weren't and he/she hurt a bunch of people.
I have problems in my life that are significant and its better for us all to just let them out no matter what. Without hurting ourselves or others but there are great ways to deal with your problems. For me one of my outlets is music, I love to turn on some good stuff and turn it up as loud as I can. Makes me forget about everything for a little while, the other part is finding that one friend who you know is gonna love you no matter what comes out of your mouth. I've found mine and I hope that others have theirs but if you don't find that friend that's gonna at least lend an ear without judging. Talk it out let it go, the other thing we can all do is not ignore the world and teach or children to do the same.
This person's act with very selfish he did what he wanted in the way that he wanted without thinking about the families he left behind. The more we remember it isn't about us the smaller our problems seem and the more we put our energy into helping the world. If anyone reads this blog and wants to comment on anything I've said please feel free I'm not going to be offended but I'm also not going to start an argument. I believe the world would be a much better and safer place if we would all get off of our duffs work a little harder and help as many people as we can.
So this Friday while my thoughts are with those in CO and I'm worried about things going on in my own house. I'm trying to remember to connect myself with others and remember that we are all connected. The more I focus on others the smaller my problems seem and the less I worry.
We should all try it, forget yoga and meditation just stop focusing on yourself and focus on others and see where that gets you!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Motivation and distraction
I attend a very rigorous online program from Western Governor's University. Before those of you want to start in on my for my choice of schooling don't! I made my choice and I feel its the right one for me. Here's the deal though...I need some motivation and I feel like life is distracting me! I have gone to two brick and mortar schools and I watched many adults do the same thing with having kids and taking a full load of classes and they seemed to be the best students but I don't know how they did it or how they had the time!
I feel unmotivated adn really distracted with everything that's going on in my life I only work part time I feel like this should be easy breezy I know people that are in school with me that are working through many classes with no problem, I know some of them are stay at home mothers and that makes a little bit of the difference but to be honest I really don't know how they don't get distracted or how the stay motivated. I want this for me I really do want it, but because I'm not doing as well I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot.
I don't know how to motivate myself, I don't know how to reward myself. I want to but I really don't know how and I was hoping that someone passing by could give me some pointers on what I'm doing wrong everyone says pick something that matters to you but it doesn't seem to work. I can't seem to think of any reward that's good enough to motivate me. How does motivation really work, I know what I want I just don't know how to keep myself going so that I get there. Sometimes from work I feel so burnt out, that I fall asleep before I get anything done at home. Take today for example I came home with the intent of turning on my favorite show (which unlike some helps me study) and working on some of my school work. I didn't even make it through the beginning of the show and I was out! Gone! I didn't wake up until several hours later! As I write this now I've only been up for 3 hours. I have to find a way to get rid of the distractions and find small rewards that push me forward the big reward isn't enough it seems like!
How do you motivate yourself to get things done? What are your rewards? How do you keep yourself accountable?
I'm hoping that someone will respond to this if not like all my normal blogs I will be writing myself. :( Any help at all will be good help!! Thanks to those who respond!
I feel unmotivated adn really distracted with everything that's going on in my life I only work part time I feel like this should be easy breezy I know people that are in school with me that are working through many classes with no problem, I know some of them are stay at home mothers and that makes a little bit of the difference but to be honest I really don't know how they don't get distracted or how the stay motivated. I want this for me I really do want it, but because I'm not doing as well I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot.
I don't know how to motivate myself, I don't know how to reward myself. I want to but I really don't know how and I was hoping that someone passing by could give me some pointers on what I'm doing wrong everyone says pick something that matters to you but it doesn't seem to work. I can't seem to think of any reward that's good enough to motivate me. How does motivation really work, I know what I want I just don't know how to keep myself going so that I get there. Sometimes from work I feel so burnt out, that I fall asleep before I get anything done at home. Take today for example I came home with the intent of turning on my favorite show (which unlike some helps me study) and working on some of my school work. I didn't even make it through the beginning of the show and I was out! Gone! I didn't wake up until several hours later! As I write this now I've only been up for 3 hours. I have to find a way to get rid of the distractions and find small rewards that push me forward the big reward isn't enough it seems like!
How do you motivate yourself to get things done? What are your rewards? How do you keep yourself accountable?
I'm hoping that someone will respond to this if not like all my normal blogs I will be writing myself. :( Any help at all will be good help!! Thanks to those who respond!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Needing to say thank you and feeling empowered!
This summer has been a very hard and long process. For starters Andy and I have spent most of the summer apart, its a work thing and no big deal, but sometimes it still stinks! That's not the last part though, I had to have knee surgery that was supposed to be minor, and the recovery was supposed to be simple: well that hasn't happened, I am recovering but along with recovery has come spasms (which I have had occasionally throughout life, with my CP, but nothing like this.) This has been triggered at least they think by the CP. Well because the spasms come when I put pressure on my knee it harder to make it stronger/ I have no insurance so this whole thing has been very expensive to begin with. They also want me to do PT 3 times a week for 4 weeks, this is very expensive. Someone from my parents small group that she attends (who have never met me, or if they have its only been once or twice) decided to donate money to my mom to give to me to help pay for the PT. This is a big deal to me, the check was for a good deal of money. Another person has also said that that they were willing to cover what that check did not. This person does not know how much the check is for and is just willing. I am so very thankful. I'm not sure how I'm going to repay them or how I'm ever going to have the right words to say thank you, but I write this because I want the world to know there are good people out there.
The other part of my blog is about being empowered, I have been given a chance to shadow a special little girl. She has a major neurologically disorder going on. The parents seem to be lost and I am hoping to give them and little hope and a little extra hand to help them get where they would like to be with her. I know that this won't be an easy process but regardless of what this little girl has done or will do in the past she is completely worth helping and wonderfully made. One of the characteristics of her disability is a general happy disposition and she really is until her disorder seems to take over if that makes sense, I have had the chance to work with her before and things went really well. I'm hoping to be able to build the same repore with her and continue to work with her in the fall. I hope this is a good thing and I can't wait for the chance, I'm so excited and I almost feel like a kid a Christmas for now, but now I gotta get some sleep that I can work with the kids in the morning. Even when days are hard they do remind me that things are worth it and I am in the right job. There are days where things are hard and the kids test me but overall I know this is where I am supposed to be. I have also decided to change my major to focus not only on working with children but I will be working with special needs children as well. I don't know if it will be in the school system or what but I know that I will be working with both types of children and I can't wait this has reminded me of what I want and my purpose in life. I do have one I just needed to be reminded. Off to another day of work tomorrow! Hope everyone has a great night!
The other part of my blog is about being empowered, I have been given a chance to shadow a special little girl. She has a major neurologically disorder going on. The parents seem to be lost and I am hoping to give them and little hope and a little extra hand to help them get where they would like to be with her. I know that this won't be an easy process but regardless of what this little girl has done or will do in the past she is completely worth helping and wonderfully made. One of the characteristics of her disability is a general happy disposition and she really is until her disorder seems to take over if that makes sense, I have had the chance to work with her before and things went really well. I'm hoping to be able to build the same repore with her and continue to work with her in the fall. I hope this is a good thing and I can't wait for the chance, I'm so excited and I almost feel like a kid a Christmas for now, but now I gotta get some sleep that I can work with the kids in the morning. Even when days are hard they do remind me that things are worth it and I am in the right job. There are days where things are hard and the kids test me but overall I know this is where I am supposed to be. I have also decided to change my major to focus not only on working with children but I will be working with special needs children as well. I don't know if it will be in the school system or what but I know that I will be working with both types of children and I can't wait this has reminded me of what I want and my purpose in life. I do have one I just needed to be reminded. Off to another day of work tomorrow! Hope everyone has a great night!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Netflix night!
Today was Netflix day for me: love those days! I use both parts of the service, but I'm such a slacker because I use one part more than the other! I use watch instant every night and forget about the DVD's until I've had them a month, I finally sent this last one back. When I did I didn't even bother to check the queue to see what was coming next so it was a surprise. For the first time tonight I watched Raising Helen. I know I know I'm behind on the times, but once again I learned a few things from a cliche movie!
1. Don't give up your dreams just give them a little nudge to make them fit your current situation!
I have to give a little background before I tell you the next thing I learned. Many of you may not know but right now I work with an after school and summer camp program! I love working with kids, but lately it seems like kids are definately changing! I have this fear that when I do have kids I'm going to be the harshest person on the planet because my expectations for my kids are going to be unbelievably high! That being said here's what else I learned from Raising Helen.
2. I may think I'm going to be harsh and to be honest I probably will, but my hope is that with a little practice I can find a little balance in life and show my kids the fun end and the strict in all at the same time. I read lots of parenting and teaching books all the time, just hoping that when I get there some of this stuff actually does sink in and I have a little bit of an idea of what I'm doing, because I don't like clueless.
3. I need more memories, I have a few good ones here and there but I need to take the time to document my life a little better so that when I do have kids I can share with them those memories and so that as I get older and my memory starts failing I can hold onto as many memories as possible! So from now on my camera goes everywhere, I want my house my life and flash drives to be filled with photos. I want to share my memories with the world and its never to late to start making them.
I also have one random thought to add to this blog about what I learned about Friendship this week (friendship and being a good friend is the theme for the month at my job) and I learned that even if your it its ok not to tag your best friend when your playing freeze tag! I love my kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world, the job may have its stress but they remind me everyday in some way why I do what I do. It may take all day but I do get that one little reminder
1. Don't give up your dreams just give them a little nudge to make them fit your current situation!
I have to give a little background before I tell you the next thing I learned. Many of you may not know but right now I work with an after school and summer camp program! I love working with kids, but lately it seems like kids are definately changing! I have this fear that when I do have kids I'm going to be the harshest person on the planet because my expectations for my kids are going to be unbelievably high! That being said here's what else I learned from Raising Helen.
2. I may think I'm going to be harsh and to be honest I probably will, but my hope is that with a little practice I can find a little balance in life and show my kids the fun end and the strict in all at the same time. I read lots of parenting and teaching books all the time, just hoping that when I get there some of this stuff actually does sink in and I have a little bit of an idea of what I'm doing, because I don't like clueless.
3. I need more memories, I have a few good ones here and there but I need to take the time to document my life a little better so that when I do have kids I can share with them those memories and so that as I get older and my memory starts failing I can hold onto as many memories as possible! So from now on my camera goes everywhere, I want my house my life and flash drives to be filled with photos. I want to share my memories with the world and its never to late to start making them.
I also have one random thought to add to this blog about what I learned about Friendship this week (friendship and being a good friend is the theme for the month at my job) and I learned that even if your it its ok not to tag your best friend when your playing freeze tag! I love my kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world, the job may have its stress but they remind me everyday in some way why I do what I do. It may take all day but I do get that one little reminder
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Envy
When I was little my parents used to always tell me about the green eyed monster and for the longest time I was def the green eyed monster! I spent A lot of time being jealous about A lot of things, but after a while I decided their was nothing I could do about it so I was just gonna let it go. And for years that seemed to work but I slowly feel it working its way to the surface, I'm struggling more and more to remind myself that my life is ok the way it is even with my CP! But the more I see the world the more I want to scream no it's not ok. I know I should feel lucky because I do have it very easy compared to lots of people with the same disorder and a lot times my motto is just move on, but that doesn't seem to be working right now. I can't just seem to let it go! It's like I want to be mad, and I want to be angry. But in reality all I want is to be sane and capable, so that's my goal for the week to figure out where to go to put myself in and on a path to make me sane and capable! I know this is a short post but it's all I got for now I just need to post it outloud put it out there so maybe that would make a difference. But then again only time will tell!
Please Read-Desperate
I am desperate for someone to read this blog! I need to change and I
need help! If you have read my last blog I have CP-short for Cerebal
Palsey, but here's the deal I didn't get it as bad as some have it, now
that doesn't mean I don't struggle with the whole idea and doesn't mean
I'm not angry. But me being angry has messed things up big time! I'm out
of shape my muscles are tooo tight and if I'm not careful I will end up
wheel chair bond and I can't take that. I have no insurance so doing
regular PT is out of the question, but how do I push myself hard enough
to get all the exercises done each day and still get in the stuff that I
need to burn calories! That's the other thing I have a really small
frame, my current weight while not bad to many and its not bad according
to the world is to much for my frame and its causing more problems, I
need someone to remind me how to do this and show me where to start I'm
lost and scared!
There I said it I'm scared that I screwed to many times being mad (and to be honest I'm still mad) and I'm going to loose my mobility! I couldn't handle that, I thought being in a wheel chair for a bit would be ok but all its done is scare the crap out of me! I need help, actual help form a human being to tell me where to go, I only remember a few of the exercises and I don't know which ones post surgery are ok, I also am not strong enough to stretch my muscles because they are so tight.
I have posted this next part in a message board somewhere but I was wondering if a hand bike would help with weight loss and does anyone know where I might be able to get a decent deal on one. Just like everything for those of us that aren't "normal" someone wants to make extra money because it takes a little extra work. This is really a cry for help and I hope someone reads this and can help me! I need it like yesterday!!! Also since I'm posting this on FB if anyone knows a good PT office that has decent prices for self pay patients I am looking for one for my post surgery sessions!!!!!
I really really hope someone reads this! But somehow I'm a little doubtful....but please just please if you can help please tell me how! I will do everything my power to repay you somehow!
There I said it I'm scared that I screwed to many times being mad (and to be honest I'm still mad) and I'm going to loose my mobility! I couldn't handle that, I thought being in a wheel chair for a bit would be ok but all its done is scare the crap out of me! I need help, actual help form a human being to tell me where to go, I only remember a few of the exercises and I don't know which ones post surgery are ok, I also am not strong enough to stretch my muscles because they are so tight.
I have posted this next part in a message board somewhere but I was wondering if a hand bike would help with weight loss and does anyone know where I might be able to get a decent deal on one. Just like everything for those of us that aren't "normal" someone wants to make extra money because it takes a little extra work. This is really a cry for help and I hope someone reads this and can help me! I need it like yesterday!!! Also since I'm posting this on FB if anyone knows a good PT office that has decent prices for self pay patients I am looking for one for my post surgery sessions!!!!!
I really really hope someone reads this! But somehow I'm a little doubtful....but please just please if you can help please tell me how! I will do everything my power to repay you somehow!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
New Life...
I doubt anyone is following this blog but lately I've been feeling the need to write, I've tried the journal and for some reason it doesn't work! I spend more time one the computer so I thought why not try it this way. Here's the deal though: if you read this and are offended I don't mean it. I'm not saying I intend to offend anyone or that I want to offend anyone. What I am saying is this blog is all my thoughts whether you agree with them or not! So here's the deal about me: for those of you that may not know.
I'm a simple southern girl looking to make the most in my life. I'm currently going to school to become a teacher, but along the way my life seems to be taking some interesting turns. For starters I love kids and I love working with kids, but I also know I want to get some special needs training...and here's why. There are lots of parents that are pushing for their child to be as mainstream (which in some cases is fine, in others not so much!) But as a teacher I don't want to be caught unprepared for what may enter my classroom, I want to know that I have as much knowledge as possible for soemthing might enter my way. Another reason I'm pursuing this root is a life long dream of mine.
This life long dream involves opening a wilderness camp for children with and without disabilities to come together and have the chance to concur things in nature. I love the wildreness and have a physical disability, but my parents taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to to be cliche "the sky was the limit". Now don't get me wrong I do have limits and I know where mine are but that doesn't mean that all things aren't possible. Even within those limits there is still a way to accomplish what I want no matter what it is. I want every child to go away from camp with this experience. I want every child to know what its like to push themselves and know they did it all alone.
This has been a life long dream that I put on the backburner for money and support, lately its been nagging me so much that I can't let it go. I have to do something to try and make this happen. I'm jsut not sure how that's going to happen or what I need to do to be prepared for this to happen. Anyway enough about what I want and see out of my life, let me tell you a little bit more about myself.I'm an animal lover with two furkids as I call them. I wouldn't trade the two of them for the world. Although their vet bill makes me think twice about having two of them sometimes.
I have found one of the most amazing men in the world and I wouldn't trade him for anything. He makes me feel like I'm the only thing that matters in life. He makes me feel like I'm the only girl for him. It's been a year and he still gives me butterflies when he calls or sends me a text. Sometimes he's the only thing that brightens my day.
A little bit about where I work, I work in an afterschool care center. With grades K-5, the age range is a little big but most of the kids are tons of fun. One of the downsides of my job is that sometimes it makes me not want to have children of my own. I don't want to make any mistakes and end up with any problems. Either way I love my job for the most part, and it pays the bills for the most part.
I say all of this to give you a general idea of where my views might be coming from. I'm going to do my best to start blogging everyday or at least more than I have in the past. I have no idea what the subjects will be so if your interested in lively conversation feel free to join in.
I'm a simple southern girl looking to make the most in my life. I'm currently going to school to become a teacher, but along the way my life seems to be taking some interesting turns. For starters I love kids and I love working with kids, but I also know I want to get some special needs training...and here's why. There are lots of parents that are pushing for their child to be as mainstream (which in some cases is fine, in others not so much!) But as a teacher I don't want to be caught unprepared for what may enter my classroom, I want to know that I have as much knowledge as possible for soemthing might enter my way. Another reason I'm pursuing this root is a life long dream of mine.
This life long dream involves opening a wilderness camp for children with and without disabilities to come together and have the chance to concur things in nature. I love the wildreness and have a physical disability, but my parents taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to to be cliche "the sky was the limit". Now don't get me wrong I do have limits and I know where mine are but that doesn't mean that all things aren't possible. Even within those limits there is still a way to accomplish what I want no matter what it is. I want every child to go away from camp with this experience. I want every child to know what its like to push themselves and know they did it all alone.
This has been a life long dream that I put on the backburner for money and support, lately its been nagging me so much that I can't let it go. I have to do something to try and make this happen. I'm jsut not sure how that's going to happen or what I need to do to be prepared for this to happen. Anyway enough about what I want and see out of my life, let me tell you a little bit more about myself.I'm an animal lover with two furkids as I call them. I wouldn't trade the two of them for the world. Although their vet bill makes me think twice about having two of them sometimes.
I have found one of the most amazing men in the world and I wouldn't trade him for anything. He makes me feel like I'm the only thing that matters in life. He makes me feel like I'm the only girl for him. It's been a year and he still gives me butterflies when he calls or sends me a text. Sometimes he's the only thing that brightens my day.
A little bit about where I work, I work in an afterschool care center. With grades K-5, the age range is a little big but most of the kids are tons of fun. One of the downsides of my job is that sometimes it makes me not want to have children of my own. I don't want to make any mistakes and end up with any problems. Either way I love my job for the most part, and it pays the bills for the most part.
I say all of this to give you a general idea of where my views might be coming from. I'm going to do my best to start blogging everyday or at least more than I have in the past. I have no idea what the subjects will be so if your interested in lively conversation feel free to join in.
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